What Kind of Femininist Am I?

I've found that since living in Albany I've been forced to really think about my position on feminism in a way that I haven't had to before. I'm actually surprised by this development given the blatantly sexist environment of my last job, the aggressively PC environment at U of M, the oppressive patriarchy of grad school, etc. It's obviously not the case that I'm thinking about gender dynamics for the first time, but there's something very different about this experience that is bothering me. The problem, though, is that I'm having trouble articulating exactly what is bothering me. I've been trying not to blog too much about work, for the simple fact that this is a public blog and I wouldn't want anything written here to haunt me when I'm up for tenure. At the same time, I'm hoping that blogging about this issue will help me figure it out in my own head.

I've been involved in numerous discussions about "women in academia" or "balancing career and family" lately that have left me ... uncomfortable. The intentions behind these discussions are good and I certainly wouldn't want to give the impression that these things aren't important. Yes, there are gender inequities in academia that affect me and others directly and indirectly. Yes, we should discuss these issues intellectually and openly. Yes, we should work toward changing this environment so that is more equitable (in many ways).

However, there is something unsatisfying about these discussions. I think that one of the things that bothers me is the very uni-dimensional nature of these conversations. The message that I've gotten so far is this:

• As a young, female assistant professor trying to make a career in a male-dominated environment, I should have a set list of "concerns" that every other woman in my position shares (the biological clock, how to "have it all," etc.).
• I should commiserate with other women in academia about the inequities of our world, but behind closed doors.
• I should not engage men in these discussions or advocate for institutional changes that could actually resolve or mitigate some of these issues.
• I should be comfortable discussing my personal fertility decisions with women who I barely know and I should welcome them to engage in equally personal discussions with me. Apparently having ovaries makes it "natural" to want to discuss sex and babies with anyone else who has ovaries. (For those of you who mock my strict personal vs. work boundaries, you can appreciate how much this one bothers me.)

In many ways I find these expectations more oppressive than the gender issues I get from men. More to come ...